Sometimes I forget.

Dedicated to all Christians who fight some sort of battle that they want desperately to win and desperately to lose:

"Why is it that this vice I have is something that causes me such pleasure and such grief? Why must this addiction be mine? Why would God bare to my my shoulders something that imprisons judgment? Give me something I can conquer! Such a thing I have now poisons my mind and my soul. Pleasure it gives me, yes! But how it does torture my conscious more than I can bear. Oh God!
My heart pounds with shame, yet in its shame it revels! Will this never cease? Will I never be free? What must I do? What must I say? What semblance of penance can I offer to even begin washing away my wrongs?
This seems to me the end. There is nothing to be done. Oh, how weary of living I have become. It only trudges on by way of my beating heart.
Then Heart, to thy rest! And leave me to sleep, for sleep after such a journey as this is so sweet.
Heart; cease. Eyes; close. Ears; discontinue your hearkening to the voices of the sinful pleasure that I love all too dearly. Ah, sweet voices, you have kept me company for too long. What other way shall I silence your insufferably subliminal whispering shriek? You are too stubborn to leave by you own accord... I have no choice. Of own accord then; Vice, I banish you hence! Can you not see how weary your company has made me? Pleading is too low for my pride and you will not allow me to silence my heart. Is it too much to ask for one hour of peace, one hour of rest? Yet without you, I know not ... I know not what to do.
I... I am at a loss. In the same way that I receive both pleasure and torture in this case, I also desire your company and your absence.
My heart will beat on and my vice will stay. It will not leave and I am not able to banish it. And so its company I will keep until my eyelids are fastened closed with the tears of those lingering nights or, by its own treaty, surrender. There is nothing more I can do than what I have already done."