Home But Almost Home

I'm at a place of in between right now. I'm home and yet, I'm not. I'm currently at my roommate's house, spending a few nights here.

I realized this weekend that I've come to claim Grand Rapids as my home. It's my city to navigate and explore. I no longer feel like a stranger or an outcast (even in eastown *gasp*) or someone who doesn't belong.

I want to live here over the summer. I want to work here. I want to become even more immersed than I already am. Oh, and I want to make money here, did I mention that? And do theatre... ~sigh~ so many ambitions... whatever shall I do... try to accomplish them the best I can.

"The forces that bind two people together are among the most chaotic and unpredictable in the universe"
~ The Order of the Stick #223

Sometimes an impulsive 2:00 a.m. cross-country trip is the only solution.

Home

It's like a breath of fresh air. My couch, my piano, my rocking chair, my porch, my 11 oak trees... it's all comfortable. Here I can relax for a bit, if only for a day or two. I can breathe. Part of that is not being so busy with Narnia anymore, part of that is just being away from campus. The people here are different, it's a change of pace... but in 3 days I'll get restless again and want to be somewhere else.

God didn't create me to be a homebody. He didn't mean for me to settle in one place. I want to see the world, to go places, to do things... and one of these days I won't be where you thought I was going to be and that's my dream.

The moment you realize what you want, it'll fly away.

Chase it.

Pain

Don't make me smile. It hurts.

It's Not Fair!

I often feel like I'm the odd one out in CU theatre. So many others have been involved in so many things in so many other places. They know so much more than me, are so much better than me, and have had the most amazing opportunities present themselves. Normally, this would be a rant comprised of me screaming "It's not fair!" to the sky while pulling my hair out by the fist-fulls. But no. No, not today.

You see, somehow I'm seen as the upper up of the department. The freshmen look up to me and respect me. They see me as "a valued member" of the theatre department. I've won a Grand Award, I'm a junior, I'm VP of KTG... they see me. They see CJ. And they like what they see.
It's not fair to them. They don't know how little I actually am.

Though some people see me as good, I have quite a bit to learn and long distances to cover. And those distances are mostly the ones that others have already covered in high school. I'm jealous.

Someday, something is going to happen. Until then, I'll just have a heck of a time waiting.